I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
