First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
not ubering you a puppy
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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