You really coming over, don't trick.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize