i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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