Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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