i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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