So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
its not stalking. its research.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
