I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
someone owes me an orgasm
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
