New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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