Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
