so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
