walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
