I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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