My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
