dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
