Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
