The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
