Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
