I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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