Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
