lets start a swedish sibling band together
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
