Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
