thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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