Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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