I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
