I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
