On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
