dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
