we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
