Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
