my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
