i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
