Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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