dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
