Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
