explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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