My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We have started to decorate penises.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My feet surprised me
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