I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize