I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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