i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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