I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
