Duck Duck Cougar?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I FOUND THE LEGS
Drunk is not a location!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
