he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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