So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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