Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
