Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
