I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
