id be glad to
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
