just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is her dick bigger than yours?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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