I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
NoShamevember. You game?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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