Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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