They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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