discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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