Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
