Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
