so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
