You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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