this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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