she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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