Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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