So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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