You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
