Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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