Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Houston, we have a squirter
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
