At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
