You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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