Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
