I love black thongs
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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