I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize