bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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