Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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