And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
