I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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