Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
