and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
even my farts smell like vagina
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
